Bag humour

Not jokes about barfbags: this website would never stoop to such depths (well, OK, I just haven't had time to do the research yet).

No, this page features humour printed on barfbags.

Check the Cartoons page for cartoons about, rather than on, bags.

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AeroLloyd (BSR)

A standard AeroLloyd bag on one side, but some weird orange text on the other: "Wenn Sie auch mal was loswerden wollen" (if you want to get rid of something). Along with a sketch of a shopping bag and a logotype saying "BSR". Any idea if there is any deeper meaning in all this is?

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Bald Mountain Air

A lengthy description of what to do if you want to use this bag:

1) Cross eyes and start irregular breathing.
2) Gulp air like a beached salmon.
3) Fade to a greenish or pale white color.
4) Make stomach noises like bubbling clam chowder.
5) Question life in general.
6) Promise the good Lord that if He gets you back on dry land, you'll be good forever.
7) Suddenly feel good. This will last for 2-4 seconds, nature provides this brief respite so you can whip open your "EARL'S WORLD BARF BAG".
8) Go fish-eyed, look down, suck in air, bulge your cheeks, open wide and...
9) ...C...cc...ccu...cccuu...ccCut her loose!!! #!©¥Æ!Ð

Some helpful hints, too: click on the bag images or see the Bald Mountain entry in the Bag gallery for full details.

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Emirates (cartoon)

Emirates now features a cartoon of a bald man peering over the edge of a bag: "Help me to keep things tidy". Despite the helpful diagrams on the flip side, I think I prefer the luxurious-looking bags above to this downmarket version.

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Finnaviation

I promised my wife that I would stop collecting bags when I managed to get a Finnaviation -- one of the most inspired designs in the air. I've now got one -- my 588th bag. But I'm now a bag addict. I'm hooked, I can't stop! Help!)

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First Choice

Jokes about barfbags are pretty common - at least in the social circles where I move. Jokes on the bags themselves are much rarer. And all the more delightful when they do arrive.

"Unexpected departure?", this bag asks. "Don't worry, we'll look after you."

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Germanwings (do you want)

Another firm that has gone generic. "Do you want..." asks this bag. (The salt and pepper sets on many airlines now ask the same thing.)

No thanks, we'd much prefer your old bags.

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Germanwings (Gutes Fest)

A bag that combines three functions:

	An advertisement on the obverse for Germanwings' cheapo €19 flights to Stuttgart ("If so much choice makes you dizzy, simply breathe briefly into the bag").
	Another advert for the Cannstatter Wasen festival in Stuttgart.
	A container to throw up into.

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Germanwings (zur Erinnerung)

Recognition at last for the noble avocation of baggery.

"Zur Erinnerung an alle Sammler: Tüte nur leer ins Album kleben!"

This translates into English as: "Reminder to all collectors: Stick only empty bags in the album!"

I got off a Germanwings flight from Rome to Cologne in October 2005 and walked passed a group of cabin cleaning staff waiting to board the plane. One was holding a sheaf of these bags. I relieved him of as many bags as I thought decent.

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Hapag-Lloyd Express (taxi)

A true rarity - a joke by an airline on a barfbag: Vielen Dank für Ihre Kritik (thank you for your criticism).

There's even an invitation on the reverse for more: Weitere Kritik oder Anregungen können Sie auch uns gerne mailen: kundenservice@hlx.com (you are welcome to send us further criticism or encouragement...)

This bag claims that you can Fliegen zum Taxipreis (fly for the price of a taxi). The design is borrowed from New York's yellow cabs. Which is strange: Hapag-Lloyd doesn't fly there.

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hlx.com (Nicht übel!)

Hapag-Lloyd Express are keeping with the jokes: The German pun on this one says "Not bad!" - or "Not sick!"

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hlx.com (Ganz easy)

"Really easy here ryan" in German: "hier ryan" sounds like "herein", or "in here".

"Brechen Sie mit der Konkurrenz und fliegen Sie lieber zum Taxipreis" can mean "Break with the competition and fly for the price of a taxi", or perhaps "Puke with the competition..."

Trying to steal customers from Easyjet and RyanAir, perhaps?

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hlx.com (Alles)

"Alles muss raus" (everything must go [out]), says this witty combo of barf container and advert for hlx's budget fares.

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hlx.com (Das sollten)

Another in hlx's ad/joke bags: "Das sollten Sie besser für sich behalten" (you'd better keep it to yourself).

So nice to see an airline actually using the space on its bags to entertain and inform passengers. The mystery is, why so few carriers do so.

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JMC

Bright green, but ever so subtle: the text says "sick as a..." followed by a picture of a parrot, and "this bag may contain bio-hazardous waste after use".

JMC apparently stands for John Mason Cook -- son of the Thomas Cook the travel agent who founded, well, Thomas Cook.

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KLM (Dusty)

Proof that the kangaroo was the first large mammal to be genetically modified. Dusty invites you to sweep your rubbish into his pouch "for a clean feeling".

I can imagine that Baby who normally occupies the pouch would get pretty teed off at having your chewing gum and sweet wrappers raining down upon her head.

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Niki

This "Speißsackerl" (Austrian for Sickbag) has a happy-looking housefly near the base. Attracted by discarded chewing gum?

I wonder if this airline's executives know what "niki" means in Arabic? ("fuck me", if you really want to know - which is why women called Nicki, and men called Nick ("fuck"), tend to have a tough time in the Arab world.

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Phuket Air

A bag with a lofty ideal: "Save the World. Please...help me to keep things tidy".

Unclear how placing your litter in this bag is going to rescue the planet, but it's hard to resist the friendly smiley all the same.

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Southwest Airlines

Don't know whether this bag ever got used on Southwest's planes: it's a job-recruitment bag. "Sick of your job?", asks one side. Flip the bag over, and you get the career advice: "If you'd prefer a career that's fun and challenging, join the crew reported in Fortune magazine as one of 'America's Most Admired Companies' -- Southwest Airlines. Visit us at www.southwest.com for more information. SOUTHWEST AIRLINES: A Symbol of Freedom. Equal Opportunity Employer".

TAM (royalty)

A throwback to the Brazilian Empire of 1821-89? Well before the era of powered flight, though.

Owner: Bruce Kelly

TAM (flying royalty)

The emperor - a pretender to the throne, perhaps? - is now aboard a turboprop plane.

Owner: Bruce Kelly

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VASP

A roomy but unhappy-looking bag.

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Virgin Atlantic (Limited Edition, Furi Furi)

This Japanese manga cartoon superboy can blast us hapless landlubbers with glowing puke.

This is just one of a series of 20 designer bags - many of them witty - from Virgin Atlantic in partnership with Design for Chunks. Visit the Virgin Atlantic section of the Bag gallery for more.

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Virgin Atlantic (Revenge of the Sith: Seating Jedi and Sith)

The success of Virgin's DesignforChunks series has gone to Richard Branson's head. To mark the launch of the third Star Wars prequel, Virgin Atlantic distributed a second "Limited Edition" to promote the video game.

This bag shows where various characters from the movie are seated on the plane: good guys on the left, baddies on the right.

Three other comic Sithbags are featured in the Virgin Atlantic section of the Bag gallery.

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Virgin Atlantic (Delhi and Mumbai)

Presumably swamis fly Virgin for the onboard service rather than the thrill of flight itself.

This is one of a series of five witty bags used by Virgin Atlantic to advertise new destinations. See the Virgin Atlantic section of the Bag gallery for them all.

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Virgin Sun

Another variant on the barf-in-it-or-send-your-film-off bag. A lot more direct than your average bag: "Virgin Sun Sickbag", it says in bold type, "If you don't chuck, chuck in your films!" It goes on to tell you to complete the order form with your name and address -- presumably only if you have chosen the bag's alternative use.

A roll of film costs £2.99, but read the fine print carefully: "We will work on the basis that your pictures are amateur and of nominal value... If you consider the material you are sending to be of special value, you must take out your own insurance..."